Saturday, May 17, 2008
Ever since i returned from BKK, the confusion i had still lingers. and so much had happened but i still can't clear the doubts i have. my frens say...Go for it. you're the best thing tat ever happen to her. no one take care of her better than you, the care, the concern and love. blah blah blah...but i say...i'm not good enough, in so many aspects. i don't want to waste her life and future away cause she deserves better. there's so much pressure. i'm inadequate in so many ways. seriously, i really dunnoe wat to do. if only i don't have to serve NS. i might have given it a try. be it a success or a failure. time indeed is a factor...guess i've decided, if it's meant to be. if she's unattached after 2 years, i will work hard to make it happen. but after 2 years, will everything remain the same? both of us will by then have changed. be it for the better or worse. no one knows...damn it, really hate this. how i wish tomorrow, she'll find someone so i dun have to be suffering. her love, if any; is suffocating me to no ends. i want to try but will i like always, fail again???answer me anyone? please?
EDIT:
after awhile, i recalled. i used to have this fren called Pui Fai aka Ah Fai and Ah 5.
he used to have this very close bond with my former click. but then for some odd reason which i have no idea wat, he decided on the disappearing act on all of us. even though i met him a few times, he's still as friendly as always. so i wonder if wat he did was really wat he wanted. hmmm...
which brings me back to my own story...
i tried to do the disappearing act countless times but always, either she or myself will talk myself out of it. i always wondered if this is wat i really wanted. well, for me it's 50/50.
see, if i disappeared, i would not tink about it. i would be happy. but if i don't talk to her, i would gradually feel sad and unhappy. so just wat the hell do i want? ARGGH!!!
well, 26 more days till i make that final decision...
=]
She lives vividly in my memories
8:16 pm
